Thursday, January 26, 2012

Truth or Despair

Who despairs, sins? So that means not only do I have to deal with despair, I have to feel like a sinner too? That helps. Not. Right?

Hold on, reader. Before you continue, ask yourself if you need to hear any of this. Maybe you are one of the lucky ones, and you don’t need to know anything about despair because you have already left it behind you. In which case, read no more. On the other hand, if despair is something you struggle with on a daily basis, feel free to continue. Nothing you read here is likely to make it any worse.

Full disclosure: Since despair is the most consistent and persistent feature in my life, I am choosing to write about it – again, maybe for the last time but probably not. I want to get to the bottom of despair — but is there even a bottom? What if, the deeper I dig, the further away from the light I get? What if, on my mad, deluded quest to find the underworld of my psyche and there rout out despair, once and for all, I am only digging my own grave?

On especially bad days — like today — that’s how it feels. It feels like I am some sort of despair-generator, as if all the world’s despair spews forth from my own black heart, a self-pitying pit of pestilence. Never mind fear of fear, I live in despair of despair. It is a self-propelling circle of self-rejection. What is the point? But then, that’s the point of despair, isn’t it: pointlessness and the black, gnawing absence of hope. We live lives of quiet (or noisy, if you are like me) desperation.

I know that my despair must come from inside of me, because there’s nothing outside of me to explain it. There is nothing awful in the present (besides non-voluntary bachelorhood, I live an “enviable” life), and there’s nothing so terrible in my past (just one more traumatic childhood). As for the future, sure, death and old age looms, but that hardly makes me cursed. Am I really so alone or exceptional?? Maybe others just hide it better. But then, I hide it pretty well too. Most of the time when I interact with people, I smile and joke just like you do. So where does all this despair come from?

Nothing seems to work with despair. If I tell myself that it is all for some purpose—that I am “processing” ancestral patterns which my forebears and peers have avoided (by chasing wealth and status, going on religious crusades, and jacking off to internet porn)—then I give myself license to extend the misery indefinitely. If I tell myself it is only masochism and self-indulgence and that I could let go of it any time I wanted, the despair is magnified by a sense of my weakness and worthlessness.

God Help Me!!!

Is this what has made the world we are living in—a mad frenzy of delusional avoidance activity driven by a bottomless pit of generational despair? Why? What the hell is wrong with me, you, us?

There’s only one answer that covers all the bases: truth. Despair is the result of living out lives that are fundamentally untrue, inauthentic lives. So our despair is “punishment” for our inauthenticity, or at least, a natural consequence of it. Does it help to know that? Maybe not right away, but it does provide some sort of answer at least.

What matters isn’t the depth or persistence of our despair, but what we do about it. The only thing to do with despair is—nothing. In its purest sense, despair is the side effect of a cleansing process that occurs when we allow ourselves to see our inauthenticity. Despair becomes self-propelling and self-sustaining when we allow it to drive us into action or non-action that is colored or informed by despair (rather than by its opposite, yet close cousin, acceptance, and compassion). If I eat crappy food, seek out mindless distractions, avoid healthy activities and positive human interaction because of despair; or worse still, if I start to mistreat other people and take out my unhappiness on them; then despair has become an excuse for me to take refuge in inauthenticity, to retreat further and further into the nightmare of an illusory existence. The hole I'm digging goes sideways, and leads only into deeper and deeper darkness. There is no jewel-lit underworld at the end of my struggle, just a long dark tunnel, circling around and around the earth, endlessly. (Eventually the whole planet will cave in from our mole-like tunneling.)

But enough doom and gloom. This is supposed to be my way of saying goodbye to all of that.

Happiness isn’t found by pursuit. Meaning and purpose—where real joy comes from—aren’t things that we can create for ourselves. They won’t come from our parents, peers, or partners. They will only come from one place, because there is only one Source that is true, that can provide us with an authentic sense of being from which to live. There is only one truth. That simplifies things. Deep down, we know when we are living for—and as—that one true source of goodness and light, and we know when we aren’t. Despair is your friend because it lets you know that something isn’t right. We can let go right now: it really is as simple as saying it.

“I surrender.”

There are only two choices for any of us, at any time. Truth or despair.

I mean, really. How complicated is that?

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Monday, January 09, 2012

EVOL is the Answer

Alejandro Jodorowsky: “I liked Lady Gaga’s meat dress. It was funny. But I did that first in my Panic performance. Maybe she has seen what I’ve done – I don’t know. I like to think her song Alejandro was written for me. Her music is interesting. It’s interesting because it’s very free. But it has no meaning because what she’s singing has no hope. It is without hope. It’s only about revolution, which isn’t enough. We need a re-evolution right now, not a revolution. We need something new. Lady Gaga has a lot of energy and that is fantastic, but she is using old Surrealist images. Surrealism was necessary – essential, even – in the 1920s to bridge the gap between rationalism and the subconscious. It started something important. But by the early 60s, it had become petit-bourgeois; it was too intellectual and romantic, and had ground to a halt. It had become respectable. They didn’t like science fiction or rock music or… let’s not make a list: the Surrealists didn’t like anything! I needed to go further than Surrealism, and that’s why I formed Panic. Surrealism – in particular with Salvador Dali – was all about ego. It was all about extreme individualism. And it’s the same with Lady Gaga. But today, individualism is over: to make a change and do something new – to truly wake up people’s minds – we have to do something collective, together as a social community. No more Dali, no more Magritte – no more working just for yourself. We have to work as one. We can do it. We can do it. I sound like Barack Obama now…”
(see here)

The collective ego knows all about revolution

The individual ego knows all about creative self-expression

Both are now obsolete, because the Powers That Be have fully incorporated them into the Program

What remains? To turn the Paradigm on its Head, like so:

1) Individual Revolution - the overturning of the False Self and the hacking into the AI-program, the Culture Parasite which imprisons consciousness (socio-religious conditioning, etc)

2) Collective Creative Expression, organized group spontaneity directed towards catalyzing and harnessing the energy of 1)

Out of which comes the Third Thing

This seems to have something to do with Reversing the Flow of (our culturized-Darwinified idea of) Evolution, also? Since the active element of EVOL-ution = LOVE.

This may also pertain to the notion of swarm intelligence. Hence Anonymous' Fascination for BEES.

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

"Arkana Arkadia: Catabolizing with Kephas!": Live Pod-Classes in 2012

At a partial writing impasse at present, I am going back into spoken word, this time with a live (select) audience on the Net.The idea of live podcasts (or Pod-Classes) is both to allow for greater spontaneity and also for a collective space in which those attending will be tuning into the same frequency at exactly the same time. This creates a telepathic link-up - or meeting of minds - in which something more than verbal communication can take place. For this reason the pod-classes will not be open to just everyone, in the beginning at least, but only those of you I already have some kind of relationship with. The program I will be using allows for listeners to text me during the podcast with questions or comments, which I may or may not choose to address, depending on the flow of things.

The cost of attending an AACK! podcast will be $4.44, a token fee (partly) to ensure that those who join the group are sufficiently committed. However, as I already said, payment is not enough to guarantee acceptance - so if you are interested, please email me first, via my blogger profile.

The first in the series will be this Sunday, the 8th of January, at 10 am PST, 12 pm CT, 1 pm ET, and 6pm GMT.

The title of the first "AACK!" podcast:

"Is There Life Before Death?"

Subjects which I may be discussing include:

The two forms of ignorance: not knowing, and believing we know when we don't. The second kind is the one to watch for.

The two-pronged attack on delusion/the matrix program: saying no to the old, and yes to the new.

Finding one's true purpose as the means - as well as the end - to dropping the ego or false self.

The place of observation as the launch pad for action. Action and engagement as the means to access wisdom. Waiting and precipitating, the yin and yang flow of consciousness, akin to the in and out breath, and the beating of the heart.

The human "form" - how losing it must coincide with surrender to, and alignment with, a higher intelligence. How the social contract of being human is what keeps us sane and morally responsible: like a chrysalis for a pupa, it serves a necessary purpose. How recognizing the lie of the false identity can lead to pathology or suicidal despair without a corresponding awareness of something beyond ourselves running the show.

Failure and success: placing the bar at the appropriate level to you, in order to stay engaged in the battle of life and avoid both lethargy and ego inflation.

Living every day as the last - is it doable, if so, how?

Overcoming the futility of ego-driven, death-invalidating existence by finding and aligning with Cosmic Purpose (aka "the mission").

These and many more Arcana Arcadia in the mesmerizing tones of Mr. Kephas, all for the measly price of $4.44!

To suggest a topic for discussion on future podcasts, just comment at this post or email me.




Glossary of Terms:

ar·ca·num (är-knm)

n. pl. ar·ca·na (-n) or ar·ca·nums

1. A deep secret; a mystery.

2. often arcana Specialized knowledge or detail that is mysterious to the average person: "knows the arcana of police procedure and the intricacies of litigation" (George F. Will).

3. A secret essence or remedy; an elixir.

Ar·ca·di·a 2 also ar·ca·di·a (är-kd-)


A region offering rural simplicity and contentment.

Arcadia (Greek: Ἀρκαδία) refers to a vision of pastoralism and harmony with nature. Arcadia is associated with bountiful natural splendor, harmony, and is often inhabited by shepherds. The concept also figures in Renaissance mythology. Commonly thought of as being in line with Utopian ideals, Arcadia differs from that tradition in that it is more often specifically regarded as unattainable. Furthermore, it is seen as a lost, Edenic form of life, contrasting to the progressive nature of Utopian desires.

The inhabitants were often regarded as having continued to live after the manner of the Golden Age, without the pride and avarice that corrupted other regions.[1] It is also sometimes referred to in English poetry as Arcady. The inhabitants of this region bear an obvious connection to the figure of the Noble savage, both being regarded as living close to nature, uncorrupted by civilization, and virtuous.

According to Greek mythology, Arcadia of Peloponnesus was the domain of Pan, a virgin wilderness home to the god of the forest and his court of dryads, nymphs and other spirits of nature. It was one version of paradise, though only in the sense of being the abode of supernatural entities, not an afterlife for deceased mortals.

catabolism, katabolism [kəˈtæbəˌlɪzəm]


1. a metabolic process in which complex molecules are broken down into simple ones with the release of energy; destructive metabolism

2. the metabolic process in which energy is liberated for use in work.

"Real thinking is invariably destructive and pain-causing." Jed McKenna.