shamanic dismemberment

shamanic dismemberment underway
it's a fine line, between accepting and surrendering
and being passive and defeated
let go of thoughts and feelings about the pain
the internal dialogue gets hold of those signals
and interprets them
as a defense
there is one thing that i can appreciate about it
it is bringing an inner condition to the surface
my lameness is now manifest
there is a sort of relief in that
no way to hide it anymore
i get to find out, if the wound is critical
if my distortions can be integrated
has my life been straight enough
to cancel out my father's
deviations?
the real question isn't am i i fucked or not
but am i ok with being fucked
or not?
it's already been decided anyway
where i get to contribute
is by paying attention or not
can i be neutral enough to be curious
about my dismemberment?
the process
pain is awakening
awakening = pain
dismemberment is energetic
losing the human form?
i am becoming more ok with death anyhow
everything that happens to us
is the result of some sort of sorcery or another
the point of no return has been reached
it's my own fault
for preaching so much
now i get to practice

fundamental paradox

there's a fundamental paradox
at the core of "you"
your identity hinges on being alone
yet alone is the one thing
you can never be
alone = all one
only G*d is allone
alchemical partners will never see eye to eye
want to know why?
because they are facing the same direction
all that leaves is merging
into that forward motion
this separateness
is what all couples strive for
but don't dare to get to
it isn't possible unless both are individuated
individuated means you can let the other be themselves
a separate being
and be ok with that separation
then like two substances, fusion can happen
at a shallow level
it means allowing one's hate for the other
to be there
hate can destroy a relationship
if its not allowed to enter into the mix
hate is not personal
it's the result of making love personal
confining it to the personal
that is doing violence to one's being
indifference, the higher octave of hatred
both are the opposite of love
and giving the other freedom
to be what they are
requires some indifference
hate is the result of not being ok
with the other's difference
BE LIKE ME!!
or else....
we get to be indifferent
to the reality of our differences
and after all
that's the joy of sex
our difference